FRIENDS TO BE WARY OF:
Laurie Hennessey:
Wanted for stalking of
"friends"
Be careful of this female
sociopath. Especially if she shows up on your doorstep looking for brown,
organic eggs that are no bigger than medium. It is rumored that "her
son" cannot/will not digest any other types.
She starts spinning her web of
manipulation by joining a group of people that appear to have something in
common. You soon realize that whatever greatness you possess, you will
never aspire to be on her level. Not even your children will ever be as
great as her "poop in the van only" son. He is so great, he is
fluent in Spanish. (Well, as well as you could be from watching Dora the
Explorer) If you must be luckier than her, she will allow you to have a
better husband. But, that is only because she feeds on the spineless deeds
of hers. The poor guy is controlled and demeaned by Laurie whenever
possible. There is a scary rumor that they dress up for bondage videos.
Usually she is leather clad in stiletto heels. When she has trouble
walking in them, it is ultimately his fault, and he must be punished! (The
video is available through her highly successful online business) Are you
planning a party? Better be sure to check Christopher's nap schedule. The
world does revolve around it you know. But there is an unknown phenomenon that keeps Christopher alive
during his parties without a nap! If you want to stay out of Laurie's
secret voodoo spells, make sure you are at HER party. (If you are lucky
enough to be invited) How can you tell if she's having a party? Simple,
check your e-mail! No, not for an invitation, but so you can have the
opportunity to donate things like tables and chairs to make it a success.
Unfortunately, one of the for-mentioned "friends" commented
about the table request. Poor thing, she got what she asked for and is now
suffering from frequent private invites. Is there an escape for this poor
soul? Only time will tell. The ultimate kiss of death will culminate after
Laurie investigates her neighborhood, and decides to move in next door!
Got eggs?
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